I
remember getting a call 3 days prior to a life changing call for many. Jessica
explained her lump and was quite nervous that she had a biopsy quite emergently
if i recall correctly. She asked me questions about my mom's lump. We talked it
over. I also assured her it was most likely a clogged milk duct, but good thing
they are checking it out. Breast cancer isn't supposed to be painful.
I hung up the phone, my eyes
immediately filled with tears and the worry sunk in. Could my best
friend/sister from another mister really be facing something like this?!
Cancer! I called my mom, she reassured me that it was probably nothing but its
good that they are checking it out. I decided to give it up to God. I knelt
down and prayed so hard that night. "Please let it be nothing!"
Sept 28, 2011, I was enjoying a
glass of wine at my friend Jayna's house. Having a girls evening and doing
hair. Half way through foiling Jayna's hair my phone rang. I saw it was Jessica
and my heart sank. I excused myself and explained the urgency of the phone
call. I went out to their deck sat down and answered. Hey honey whats up.
" Jena, I have cancer. What do i do?" There might of been a few cus
words involved in that sentence, but lets keep this g-rated. I heard the panic
and fear in her voice. My heart was pounding and I found myself speechless. I
wanted to start bawling but my head kept yelling BE STRONG FOR HER!
The conversation is still kind of
blurry to me. I tried really hard to just talk things over with her. Offered my
support, told her I loved her. Told her I'd call my mom and have her call. Id
look for 2nd opinions. Id pray every night and basically love her forever. Who
knew one short phone call could be so life changing.
Holding it together on the phone
with Jessica seemed easier, maybe it was the shock? Or maybe it truly was
strength. Whatever it was did not work on the phone with my mom. I bawled. Why
her mom? Why this crap again? Haven't we had enough of ? Is she going to be
okay mom? She has to be okay!
I felt selfish as the next questions
ran through my mind. Thinking of how painful it was to see my mom go through
breast cancer. Crying so many nights worrying but trying to stay strong. And my
mom was a rockstar through everything. I questioned God that night. How could he
let this happen to two of the people I love most in this world?
Infiltrating ductal carcinoma kept
running through my head. I text Brian Unglaub a dear friend and Nurse
Practioner I used to work with. Asked him for help/advice/opinions. He's
amazing, he helped talk me through it. I called Lacy, another rock in my life.
Crying..it had only been about 4 years since she got a call like this from me
when my mom was diagnosed. She offered support, a shoulder to cry on, and
encouragement. Telling Mike I tried to hold it together, but saying it out loud
made it real. Same questions. He assured me that Jessica would be okay.
The next day I sat at work distant
and quiet. Everyone I told was shocked said they were sorry to hear that, they
would pray, and I needed to stay strong for her. I felt helpless. I always want
to fix things for my family and friends, and this was something I couldn't fix.
There was nothing I could say to make it go away. Nothing I could buy to make
it all better. It killed me.
So I did what I do best, I occupied
my brain with a mission. One week after getting the call and one week before i
left for my previously planned trip to Florida, I started a Jessica Fund. I
bought and sold hair product, did hair, asked for donations. Anything to make myself
feel like I was doing something to help. Some of my dearest friends melted my
heart and gave generously. Saying I don't even know her but the way you explain
her and her family I know Id love her.
Boarded my plane for West Palm
Beach, $1000.00 in my purse and ready to concur. I had never been nervous to
visit Jessica and the fam before. I kept stressing about the trip. How do I
act? What do I say? Will I cry? Will she be different?
Loud as usual I was greeted with a
scream and hug. Ali was over talking about her vegan diet (yuck veggies!) and
juicers. It felt like nothing had changed. Later that night I gave her the
gift. She bawled ... was overwhelmed by love and fear. I stayed calm, didn't
shed a tear. My head kept yelling be strong for her.
I actually never cried in front of
Jessica that trip. I colored her hair black, gave her asian bangs, cheers'd her
on her birthday. Surrounded her with love and listened. Her mommy group gave me
a sense of peace. Between them, Anthony, and Kathleen I knew they would take
care of her.
I have had many silent commutes to
work. Tears usually flow, especially when I read her blog entries. One night
leaving class, I prayed to God and told him I need a sign that she is going to
be okay. Not even 10 minutes later the breast cancer visor pin I was given when
my mom was diagnosed fell into my lap. A sign from God that he will take good
care of Jessica. What a crazy feeling! I didn't even care that it was so late,
I called her right away! She had seen a
sign too that day that she was going to be okay!
The dreaded hair loss...But of course
she was a rockstar about it. That part was probably a little harder on me as
her stylist than it was on her :). Cheers to a new canvas for us when her hair
grows back..
Jessica is always on my mind and in
my prayers. I text a lot, but sometimes do not feel like it is enough. How can
one truly understand what she is going through? My mom is amazing and has been
a rock in Jessica's journey, and I am thankful they have each other to lean on!
Me...I just pray a lot.
After this "harsh chemo
cocktail" made her so sick, I knew it was time to head to Florida again.
Time to face it, see my best friend sick, tired, and bald. My nerves went
crazy. I think i finally felt what anxiety really feels like. My plane landed
in Florida January 18th, 2012. I texted Jessica assuming I needed to call
Kathleen for a ride. Nope! Up rolled my bestie bald & beautiful (as
always)! Rocking out in the convertible. I got my same screaming welcome hug.
As her friends and family, I know we
all cry because we are worried and are hurting for her.but somehow she always
gives me HOPE! I didn't think she could ever become more of an idle in my
life....but she has proven me wrong once again.
God gave Jessica this hard journey because
he knew she could handle it, and she is going to concer the world. She will
help so many people. Cheers Sister! You are my best friend, and I'm going to
love you through it!
xo
Jena
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