What a crazy week this has been. A week ago today I had my surgery.
Bilateral Masectomy.
They took my cancer away!
Girl needs a lot of amens!
But I am mourning the loss of my boobs! Is that crazy?!?!
It's sad to see them go.
I now have a flat chest with two HUGE incisions where my nipples used to be!
Sorry it's kinda graphic!
They put expanders in so each week they can stretch the muscles out a little more to ready them for reconstruction.
Then 6 weeks, 33 treatments, of radiation!
Then heal and stretch some more!
Then eventually my new Boca Boobs!
I was def not prepared for how massive this surgery was gonna be!
Friday, the day after my 5 hour surgery, was the worst 24 hours of my life this far!
I was sooo super sick and in so much pain even with the morphine pump!
I was vommitting around the clock.
Couldn't even drink water!
None of the nausea meds were working.
The surgeon recommended a couple of good ones but the hospital didn't carry them....WHAT?!?!?! REALLY?!?!!?
But because I know how bad it can be, I am gratful for feeling better than that today!
Each day is getting a fraction better than the day before!
I am on a lot of percocet and a nasuea med called Phenergen that works awesome! (The one the hospital didn't have! Anthony got it for me by perscription! YAY!)
Speaking of my hubby, wow is he a trooper.
He has been my bitch this week and didn't complain once!
It's crazy how much you can't do when you can't use your chest msucles!
Took 3 days till I did a victory cheer saying, "I wipe my own ass!" lol!
He scratched my every itch!
He fluffed my every pillow.
He fed me my meds and water every time I needed it!
He slept in an awful chair at the hospital never leaving my side.
I could go on and on but you get the picture!
Pretty amazing Filipino I caught, huh?! =)
When the kids came to visit me, Micah didn't really know what to think.
He was scared of me then saw me thorw up and was really put off by the whole situation!
Didn't even wanna give me any lovin!
SAD! No hugs from little man!
Mason could have cared less. Being as loud and obnoxious as ever not having a clue what was going on!
He just kept playing with the balloons they bought for me! =)
They didn't stay long cuz I wasn't feeling good but it meant everything to see their smiley faces. This is what I'm fighting for!
I just wish I could hold them and squeeze the, tight! Soon enough!
Wonder how long that is gonna take?
That's the hardest part I think!
I miss my bear hugs!
I wanted a couple pics before and after surgery so everyone could see how BEAUTIFUL I looked when I came out! lol!
Before
After
I have recieved flowers, cards, stuffed animals, and lots of calls. Even though I don't have energy for thank you cards just know I am so thankful for your love and support!!!!
Yesterday I went to an apt with one of my surgeons and he said everything looked great.
Swelling isn't to bad and the drains, which are digusting, are doing their job well. In case you don't know what those are they look like this...
and suck all of the extra fluid and blood from my chest area to avoind over swelling!
Hopefully they can come out sooner than later!
Ant has to go back to work today which makes me sad!
And my mom, thank the Lord above, got a job and starts Monday!
So I was extremly stressed as to who was gonna watch the boys but the universe always provides for me when I need it most and Jena got a free flight to come visit for a week!
Then right after she leaves my Uncle Kelly comes for 2 weeks!
Then the day he leaves my dad and lil sister Madison are coming to stay for a week!
How awesome is God?!?!
By then I should be back up on my feet playing Twister with Micah! Lol! Well maybe not Twister! hehehehe
So ever since I started my antidepressants I can't cry! I know I have mentioned this before but it is really bothering me!
I love having a good cry session every once and awhile!
I NEED it!
The drugs were probably good to have during chemo and such but I think I am gonna wean myslef off of them! I am a very emotional, wear my heart on my sleeve, type of girl so I miss Crazy Jessica! lol!
My mom and I watched The Decendants the other day and she was bawling and I just sat there.....nothing!
I wanted to cry but dry as a desert!
She got up crying and said, "Those damn antidepressants! I'm going to bed!"
I laughed at her, kissed her goodnight and then sat in bed thinking about it!
I believe it;s a good release to cry.
I know a lot of people need drugs for chemical imbalances in their brain but do I?
Do I have a chemical imbalace or did they just prescribe me meds as a precautionary thing when I really didn't need them?
They said the drugs would also help me with my hot flashes but I am still having those!
Yet why am I kindof scared to go off of them?!?!
What if I am just a HOT MESS of crying and snot when I try?!?!
Well we will just have to see now won't we.....
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