Ali's Post

Jessica Carmen,
The brightest soul I know.
Lights up the room with her energy
Strong believer in karmic relationships, always spreading the love and anxiously searching for better ways to do it!!!!  
So how could this be? 
Cancer?  
No, no, no, no no, 
Not her.  
Not anyone..... but why Jes?  
She is young, 
she is happy. 
she is mother.
she is soul sister.
 
[Why] serves no purpose and it doesn't matter because - She's got this! 
Going to fight it with every swing.  
but .... Chemo is poison. 
I'll find a better way....VEGAN...RAW!!!  
Fruits and vegetables will do it with their antioxidant properties.  
But she has to go hard, go clean, go fast....
But wait, there is also chemo, surgery, chemo AND radiation....what????  
That is too much.  
Its just a little tumor, she is bountiful, she can beat it....she!  
But the babies....got to make sure for the babies.  
 
Week 1, week 2, week 3....she seems fine.  "Hey", "hey how are you?"  - "fine, my hair is falling out" - "not at first, but now in chunks" 
 
Week 4, week 5, week 6...."its not working"   "they are kicking up the dose, time for the big guns." 
 
But do they know who they are shooting??  Do they know what she means??  Is she sure?  More drugs??  No wheatgrass?.....are they insane?  Its wheatgrass!!!!!!!   
 
..and then it hits me.  
I cannot control this.  
This is her path. 
This is all our path and I cannot do it for her.  
 
Big CHEMO
Kicking that little tumor's ass!
Red, hot, anxious, cold.
She is tired, she is sick.  
She isn't her self. 
Can't eat, can't drink.
Her blood is swimming in chemicals.  
I'm frozen in shock and reality...
Cancer is real and she has it.
Now I understand... just get it out!
 
--
 
I am blessed to have this person in my life, and so close...because so much is so far away.   
She is my family, my tribe....I don't want to lose her.  
But how do I help?  
How do I heal?  
She has healed me.
She has picked me up, told me I'm loved and showed a brighter way.  
There must be something i can do??  
 
Jes is the answer.
Use what she has always shown....
Love.
Compassion.
Love is the answer and the compass.  
Life has you down???....  Love.  
Love changes everything. 
Life is love.  
She is love.
She creates love and she will be love.
 
I can't control what tomorrow brings.     
But I can honor Jessica and myself by being true
By loving, near or far, and when I don't feel like loving
Sharing it with her, sharing it with her family
Share the gift she has given me...
Love.  
 
 
 
Allison Mendoza