Diagnosis!

Day 1

September 26th 2001.
Happy 9 Month Birthday Mason!
Monday.
A day of celebration.
A day of shock.
A day I will always remember.
Slept in.
Cleaned house.
Made homemade turkey soup.
Raining.
4:35 pm my phone rang.
It was Dr. Hines the radiologist that did my mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy 3 days prior.
"Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
"Sure what's up?"
"Well the biopsy results came back positive. You have cancer in the tissue in your right breast."
"No way?!?! REALLY? Are you kidding?"
"No I am not. It came back positive."
"Um.....OK?!?!?!" Shocked not knowing what the hell just hit me.
"You will need to see a surgical oncologist. The lump is a size able mass. Surgery and chemo we be needed."
"What.....me? Really? I am only 30 years old."
"I was shocked when I saw your results. I am sorry."
The rest kind of vanished into a mush of thoughts and feelings.
My Dr. gave me a referral to a surgeon and asked if I wanted her to set up the appointment.
I said yes.
She set it up and called me back, Wednesday.
Dr. Hines then told me to bring Anthony in the morning so we can sit down and talk.
She asked if I had any questions.
"Should I stop breastfeeding?" Was all I could come up with.
My mom was feeding Mason a bottle and saw me crying.
She came in and asked, "What's up?"
"Mom....I have breast cancer."
We cried together.
Even Mason cried with us. He gets upsets when others are upset.
Micah was oblivious.
I called Anthony at work on his cell first.
Ring, ring....voicemail.
Ring, ring,...voicemail.
Then...
"City Fish Market, this is Sherry."
"Hi Sherry I need to talk to Anthony!" My voice was shaking and I was fighting back tears!
When I was on hold the Dr called again. She just confirmed with the surgeon the time of the appointment on Wed. It is for 10:15 am.
Then Anthony called me back.
"Babe, I have breast cancer!"
"Are you kidding me?"
"Nope. Results came back. Just got off the phone with the Dr."
"I'm coming home."
Click.
I love my husband! He is gonna be my sanity, my rock through all of this!
He balances me out and calms me when I need it!
Then the phone calls had to start.
People had to know, start praying, and lifting my tata up in their thoughts! lol!
Dad was hard...he took it the hardest with Deb his sister passing away last year from cancer it brought up very raw emotions.
My brother.
All of my grandparents.
Kim and the Jordahls. I knew Shelby would be very sad! =(
All of my close friends....
Val
Brandis
Madeline
Jena
Allison
Nikki
The list went on and on.....
Where to stop? I asked some people to call others.
I was emotionally drained!!!!!!
Everyone said the same exact thing...."I don't know what to say!"
But what could they say. All they can do is send me positive vibes, prayers and lift me up!
I DON"T EVEN KNOW what to think or how to act!
I breastfed Mason one last time last tonight.
That was soo hard. The crazy what-if's started....
What if Mason and Micah won't know their mom.
I want them to know me....to really know me.
I want them to grow up with a momma.
I want to see them grow, play sports, graduate, get married, have kids....
I need them to be happy!!!!
I cried!
My body was shaking! Holy shit I have CANCER?!?!
REALLY?!?!?!?! no.........REALLY!!!!!!!!

Just doesn't seem real.
Maybe it's a mistake.
Maybe it's a lab mix up.
I am only 30!
I eat whole wheat bread and drink almond milk.
I am training for my first half-marathon.
I have a 3 year old.
I have an 9 month old.
I have an AMAZING family and husband!
I don't smoke.
I don't drink...well much. =)

So I need to stay positive.
It is just something happening right now.
I need to heal....and I WILL DANGIT!
I will learn the lesson that needs to be learned and move on and help others!
Cancer is not a noun. It is a verb. It came and now is going. It will not have power over me!

The way I found this cancer was because I thought I had a clogged milk duct from breastfeeding.
I went to the Dr 3 times because it was soooo painful. The first visit they did what they call a HALO test to test cancer predictors and that came back normal. 4 months after the first visit they decide I better get a biopsy. That's when I went to the radiologist.
Got a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy that day! The Dr thought it was a clogged milk duct too because when they removed the needle from the biopsy it leaked a tons of fluid.
So I felt relieved until 3 days later when I got the call.
I guess I am just lucky that this lump was painful and that I followed my instincts and kept going in time and time again!

What I know...
It's infiltrating ductal carcinoma.
I don't know my stage yet for I do not know how far it has spread in my body or if it's in my lymph nodes. Need more testing for this.
It is Grade III which tells how aggressive the cancer is. That is III out of III so its VERY aggressive.
It has a 90% growth rate which the Dr. told me was also very high.
My cancer has no hormones and no her2nu which will limit treatment options.
Chemo, radiation, and surgery I think will be the best for me.
I meet with the Surgeon Friday and will know more info!

I will keep posting updates.

I thank those who are praying and for ALL of the amazing support.

I AM TRULY BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!